A glimpse into my personal insanity

So this past Sunday was the unofficial 1st year since I started my weight loss journey. And for whatever crazy reason, I decided to mark the occasion with a 5k run. Oh geez, what was I thinking, right? Well. My training was going well, up until I contracted Strep Throat of all things. It was horrible. For 2 weeks I couldn't do any running, exercising, nothing... it was definitely a set back. Nonethelesss, I showed up for the 5k and vowed to at least finish it without passing out or something like that. So I did my own little warm up, which I discovered wasn't nearly enough, of squats, lunges and some kicks. I thought it was good enough and then just sort of chatted with Sylvain and played with the boys. Then there was the call to line up, and they say to line up according to how you run and what time you think you'll place. I put myself at the very back. Oh yea, that says confidence, right? NOT! Line up, 3-2-1, GO! I started running, turned on my MP3 player and plug...

You know there's always going to be little things that you take for granted in life... things that you don't think about very much, you just DO or just HAVE... but what if you were to have a LOT of those little things taken away from you all at once? Would you be just as oblivious? Would you continue to take them for granted if you could get them back? Of all the things in the world that I could've woken up with on Monday, of all the things I've had in the past, sure enough, something new this time! Yay me... Strep Throat. Man... this sucks. Monday: Not too bad, feeling sorta icky and a really sore throat... but it'll probably develop into something like a cold later... bah... nothing new. OMG... the evening I was getting chills... there was no way to warm up or stop shivering... holy crap... Tuesday: Death walks... or at least that's how I looked/felt... my throat was so sore that I couldn't even swallow liquid. Horrible. The only way to describe....

Jérôme! Don't hit Maman's hand! ARGH! ... followed by lots of crying.... Oh for... ... sigh... Recognize this? No? You obviously don't have an almost-two-year-old that refuses to eat. I don't mean he doesn't want to eat... I mean he flat out refuses to eat anything but a few items. Crackers Bread w/ margarine cheese strawberries (sometimes) hotdogs waffles/pancakes w/ syrup and whipped cream That's it. He seriously won't eat anything else. Sometimes he'll eat some plain pasta or rice... but that's about it. It's so way beyond frustrating at this point. I don't know anymore. So, of course I do the logical thing. I blame myself. Last night I got so frustrated with Jérôme I actually smacked his hand when he went to shove the plate away. Then I flicked him on the forehead. Oh geez. I felt so bad. Sylvain came in from outside and told me he'd take over for a while. I went into the backyard and sat on the steps and star...

Did you ever have one of those days where you wish you could just turn off your brain? I have lots of those... but that's besides the point! Today was particularily bad. Sylvain and I have two wonderful little boys... I love them more than life itself and would do anything for them... we decided long ago on family, how many, age difference, etc etc.... anything that CAN be planned, we tried our best. Even what MONTHS they'd be born in... oh yes... we're weird. But then today a strange thing happened. I started to wonder what it would be like to have another. I started to think about the pregnancies I had, the difficulties in the births, the long hours, the lack of sleep, the noise,  etc etc... and none of it seemed to affect me. I was able to excuse away it all. It was very strange... at least when I think of it now it is. So anyway. I got so wrapped up in thought I started to imagine things... the room juggle... pulling out all the stored baby items... getting myself...