A glimpse into my personal insanity

Once upon a time a girl was born to a woman that would've been named Cindy-Lou had HER mother not had the foresight that the father didn't. This girl laughed. She cried. She had smarts that baffled nurses. She was clever. As she grew up she thought that she would be many things. An artist. A lawyer. A musician. A traveller. A great deal many things. The thing she never thought she'd be. Her great-grandparents, her grandmothers, her grandfathers, her mother, her father... She was picked on in school. She felt lonely. She felt sad. As she grew she realized there was more to life. There were more places than the little town she was living in. There were more people in the world than those who wished to cause her pain in order to make themselves feel better. She graduated high school, letting bygones be bygones. Forgiving those that caused her pain. Forgiving herself for not being more of an outgoing person. And loving those that stood by her the whole time. When ...

Here we go... it's Wednesday... time for a Celebrity Body... aka... a half hour of hell. I got my mat, I got my step and I got my medicine ball... what the hell is she going to make us do today?!?? Glancing over at friends and strangers, we're all thinking the same thing. Why do I do this to myself?? WHY do I... oh wait... yea... that's right... because I WANT to. Okay, so she's going to make us do 4 exercises and we're going to try and do three rounds in 25min?? Holy crap. Okay, here we go. Do two plie jumps, and then get down and do some plank leg jump things... okay, so I don't know what the heck they're called, but they HURT! Next, take your medicine ball, lunge foward make two figure eights with the medicine ball and straight arms, back to centre and then lung foward and do a side bend (with said ball). And repeat. Do the other leg. Now, lung backwards with the ball in your arms stretched above your head. Get down and do mountain climbers ...

I'm having a hard time with life lately. A really hard time. To the point that I start crying for no reason. I stare out the window, at nothing, for what seems like forever. I have a hard time motivating myself to play with my kids, let alone the dayhome kids. I go to my work out and afterwards I don't have that elated feeling I used to. What is it? What's wrong with me? I wish there was a simple answer. Oh wait. There is! I'M EATING CRAPPY FOOD!!!    Even as I write this... what am I doing? I had a bowl of peanut butter chocolate ice cream and right before that I had two pieces of pita bread and hummus. Oh yea. I'm a friggin' idiot. I went through 9 months of weight watchers, lost 45lbs, felt GREAT. And here I am, sitting on my arse, wondering why life is passing me by, why I can't get up and DO something... sheesh... I say again... I'm a friggin' idiot. Exercise is easy. Eating right? Not so easy. I need to change, and NOW...