A glimpse into my personal insanity

I'm on day nine of this liquid pre-op diet, and like the title says, everyone is alive and well... or at the very least, they're alive. After nine days I've discovered a few things about myself. Not all of it is flattering. 1) I like food. I don't love it. I don't need it. However, I do enjoy it. I miss the tastes, textures and flavours that food offers. For some strange reason, lettuce is on top of that list. 2) Emotional eating is not limited to anger and sadness. In the nine days I've been on Ensure and clear fluids I still need to parent. I'm a mom and need to make sure my kids stay in line. When I get frustrated with them or am upset at them or if I'm relieved or happy or any other emotion you can think of that involves my children, I eat. I have something, candy or fruit, doesn't matter, I have something. in the last nine days I've had to just deal with my shit in order for things to keep flowing. 3) I'm not as tough as I let

It's day 3 on this liquid pre-op diet. Geez. It feels like my world is falling down around me. I keep dropping stuff, forgetting things, I lack concentration, I'm tired and grumpy. Some little voice in my head keeps telling me that I got this, I can do it, keep going... It's very quiet, almost inaudible but there... What the hell am I doing? Did I really think I could do this? For some reason it seems like that light at the end of the tunnel is not there anymore. Two full days and part of today. That's it, that's all I've done for liquid diet. I've got 18 more days... What the hell was I thinking. People on support sites and such keep saying, oh, positive thinking, that's all it takes, keep your hands and mind busy, it'll go by quickly...  Bullshit. It's easy to claim things don't bother you when you're typing words on a keyboard, when you have to face people and try to make those same claims it's a whole other world. I don

Almost two years ago I got a referral from my doctor to the Calgary Weight Loss Clinic. I went in there thinking that it was just a "prerequisite" to the surgery that I was seeking. What I learned was it is so much more than that. I learned why my body is the way it is, why we are in that constant up and down state with our weight. I learned that not everyone wants or even NEEDS surgery to be successful. I made new friends and found some unlikely ones. The support system is amazing and the staff are very knowledgeable. I learn that some of the most important victories don't involve a scale. In the nearly two years part of the program, I didn't lose any weight. HOWEVER, I didn't gain weight. Which to me is a HUGE thing. I was so happy that I was maintaining, albeit a heavy weight, I was maintaining. My goal was still surgery. But I started to see it in a different light. I saw it once as my solution, my only option, my way out. After classes and many discussion