A glimpse into my personal insanity

On Thursday July 21st I wake up from a less than restful sleep... it's just one of those nights. A couple of nightmares (my own... read this blog for more details), kids waking up or just calling out... and of course... once in a while nature calls in the middle of the friggin' night! I walk downstairs, yawn, unlock the front door and go into the kitchen... very quickly my day begins. Both my boys are up around 7am... same time that the first two kids arrive for the day... making breakfast for those four doesn't take much, but getting them all to calm down and get to the kitchen to eat... that's another story! So by now it's about 7:20 and the other two kids are here for the day... one I take from his mom and the girl wants to go see the kids at the table. 7:30 rolls around and the dayhome is in full swing! That's just the start. In the kitchen I am trying to get some juice for the baby boy... but as I walk out of the kitchen I look over at Amadeus... Oh ...

I have nightmares. No, not your normal ones either. These are wake up crying and scared beyond words sort of nightmares. I've had them every night for almost 15 years. I am my own worst enemy. This is the part where you start to wonder... why is she telling us this? Why in the WORLD would she blog about this? Is she truly going to tell us that she has bad dreams and expect us to take her seriously? I'll tell you why. I'm tired. I'm so very tired of not sleeping. And I hope by blogging about this it'll help me in some sort of weird self-help way. Steven King, Dean Koontz, M. Night Shyamalan... none of 'em have anything on what goes on in my head. I love horror movies. I don't know why. But I do. I like to be scared, I like to have that suspensful feeling... etc etc... so you'd think that's my problem right? Nope. My nightmares have nothing to do with any of the friggin' movies I watch. And that's the honest truth. There's n...

Last Friday was our last day of bootcamp. Our last adventure day with Lindsey. It was going to be alright. There were only 3 of us, Lindsey made 4, and it was going to be a pretty relaxing class. We walked along the pathways, chatting and socializing. We got to the stairs, did one set... mostly because we were going to do something and then changed our minds. We all ran across the bridge and then continued to walk along the path. Halfway thru class we turned around and started back. Ran back across the bridge and then did 3 sets of stairs. So far, so good. Nothing too difficult, nothing too strenuous, pretty good. Up until now I've never reached "the zone" while running. Most anybody that jogs/runs will tell you that there's a moment when you're running that you get into a mode where your body just moves. Despite aches, pains and burns... it just keeps moving. Like a machine, your legs and lungs just keep going. Never thought about it really, just sort of assume...

Eight weeks ago I started something crazy. Bootcamp. Oh yea. I'm totally out of my mind! But it was something I felt I should do. Thanks to 13 people , 13 people that nominated me on the Biggest Winner bootcamp  facebook page, I got a spot in the competition. It was an amazing feeling. I was scared out of my mind and beyond excited all at the same time. It's hard to actually convey the feeling until you've felt it. I've heard people try to describe it, but there's no real way to put words to something that makes you speechless. You know that feeling you get when you get to the top of the roller coaster? The one where you almost hover at the top, just before you go down that first hill? That's how it feels. It's that crazy, overwhelming, totally insane feeling. Eight weeks ago we did a fitness test our first class. Here's how it went: 1 min. push ups:    15 (on my knees) 1 min. sit ups:        0 (only crunches) wall sit...

So I'm not normally a shy person. I mean, I was really... like REALLY introverted and shy when I was younger, but now I'm pretty outgoing. I have a great sense of humour, ok, so to ME it's a great sense of humour. But I can tailor it to my audience. Depending on who I'm hanging out with at the time. I like to think of myself as organized, fun... a people pleaser. It took a long time for me to finally realize I'm just as important as the next person. I am worth the attention that I give myself. A good haircut (an amazing haircut), a gym membership, etc etc. But it's not like I saw the best me on my own. Nope, I would've never seen my worth without help. My husband, my kids... they were a step in the right direction, okay, so a shove in the right direction. But the thing that helped me most? My most inspiring muse? My friends. One in particular. I don't know what she thought of me when we first met, but I remember thinking... wow... what a fake. That...

I was up until 1am last night. Painting a pinata, icing a cake and thinking of what else I need to do before the morning sunrise comes and I run out of time. Yes, I do that. I also make my kids eat his veggies before he gets cake, share his new toys with his little brother and refuse to let him play with one of those new toys for the rest of the day because of something he said to his father. Yes, I do that. I am THAT mom. And I'm damn proud of it. I refuse to be caught up in the moment of the 'birthday party'. I will not let him get away with crap just because it's his day. I don't know if it's just habit or if it's that little voice in my head. You know that one that tells me if I let him get away with stuff on 'his' day then he'll totally take advantage of that as he gets older. There are a few people that frown at me, tell me I should just let him be, try to take my attention away, etc. etc. I'm sure that some can understand where...

Have you ever wondered if you're nuts? I mean, just plain bonkers? And if you think you are, are you really? I mean, do crazy people know they're crazy or do they think they're normal and everyone else is crazy? And if they do know they're crazy, do they like it? Oh yea. That's me. I know I'm nuts, and yea, I'm okay with that. When I was younger, I was shy, very shy, and didn't want to stand out in a crowd. Now? Can't wait. Love it. Have to comment on the strangest things with strange comments. Oh yea. I'm THAT person. I think if I could go back and do it over, I wouldn't. I might be crazy, but I know that I wouldn't be where I am had I not had the journey I did. I never wanted to stand out, to be noticed, nothing like that. And to me? Being athletic was standing out... that would get me attention that I really truly didn't want. I used every excuse you could think of to get out of doing P.E. during my school days. And I mean EV...