A glimpse into my personal insanity

Once upon a time a girl was born to a woman that would've been named Cindy-Lou had HER mother not had the foresight that the father didn't. This girl laughed. She cried. She had smarts that baffled nurses. She was clever. As she grew up she thought that she would be many things. An artist. A lawyer. A musician. A traveller. A great deal many things. The thing she never thought she'd be. Her great-grandparents, her grandmothers, her grandfathers, her mother, her father... She was picked on in school. She felt lonely. She felt sad. As she grew she realized there was more to life. There were more places than the little town she was living in. There were more people in the world than those who wished to cause her pain in order to make themselves feel better. She graduated high school, letting bygones be bygones. Forgiving those that caused her pain. Forgiving herself for not being more of an outgoing person. And loving those that stood by her the whole time. When ...

Here we go... it's Wednesday... time for a Celebrity Body... aka... a half hour of hell. I got my mat, I got my step and I got my medicine ball... what the hell is she going to make us do today?!?? Glancing over at friends and strangers, we're all thinking the same thing. Why do I do this to myself?? WHY do I... oh wait... yea... that's right... because I WANT to. Okay, so she's going to make us do 4 exercises and we're going to try and do three rounds in 25min?? Holy crap. Okay, here we go. Do two plie jumps, and then get down and do some plank leg jump things... okay, so I don't know what the heck they're called, but they HURT! Next, take your medicine ball, lunge foward make two figure eights with the medicine ball and straight arms, back to centre and then lung foward and do a side bend (with said ball). And repeat. Do the other leg. Now, lung backwards with the ball in your arms stretched above your head. Get down and do mountain climbers ...

I'm having a hard time with life lately. A really hard time. To the point that I start crying for no reason. I stare out the window, at nothing, for what seems like forever. I have a hard time motivating myself to play with my kids, let alone the dayhome kids. I go to my work out and afterwards I don't have that elated feeling I used to. What is it? What's wrong with me? I wish there was a simple answer. Oh wait. There is! I'M EATING CRAPPY FOOD!!!    Even as I write this... what am I doing? I had a bowl of peanut butter chocolate ice cream and right before that I had two pieces of pita bread and hummus. Oh yea. I'm a friggin' idiot. I went through 9 months of weight watchers, lost 45lbs, felt GREAT. And here I am, sitting on my arse, wondering why life is passing me by, why I can't get up and DO something... sheesh... I say again... I'm a friggin' idiot. Exercise is easy. Eating right? Not so easy. I need to change, and NOW...

So for the past year, as I'm sure many of you have, lots of goals were set and not all were achieved. But of course, goals change. They change shape, need more time or less, require more effort or less, need to be placed on the back burner or shoved in front... whatever the goal is, as long as I was working towards it, that was what kept me going. New goals? Well, duh! Of course I have new goals! Some I made last year FOR this year, but they're goals nonetheless. I still have three of the five 5k runs left to do before the end of next August, and get up the gumption (is that even a word?) to sign up for a 10k after that! Sheesh... that's a lot of running. Getting organized, once and for all... yea... it's one of those never-gonna-happen scenarios, but I can at least get better at putting things away before the clutter gets the better of me. Listen better. To myself. To my children. To my Husband... well... that's gonna be a tough one! Be more social. Se...

Probably THE most stressful day for me. Hands down. I don't know why I put so much pressure on myself at this time of year. It's almost retarded. I always try to do so much for other people and even though I get a head start most of the time, I always... I mean ALWAYS... end up running out of time. I still have so much to do and I only have another night and a bit to get it done. AARRGHH!!! I love doing things for others. I love making things that I know I like, and I enjoy trying out new things. But as per usual, I end up adding more people to my list that I want to give to, and that's why I end up running out of time. But look at this blog so far. In two paragraphs I managed to us the word "I" so many times it's disgusting. And that's pretty much the point, isn't it? This time of year isn't about me. It isn't about what I get or how I feel. It's about how others feel and if they get something that shows how much I care about them. W...

Xavier? Yes Maman? Do you think I should cut my hair again? You mean like a rockstar? Yea. Probably. Why probably? Because your hair makes you look like a maman. ? What the heck is THAT supposed to mean? Oh well, that's what I get for asking advice from a 5year old. A pretty awesome 5 year old, but a 5 year old nonetheless. I started to wonder earlier on the weekend if I'm every going to really feel like the grown up. Most of the time it feels like I'm just being the bossy older kid that gets pissy when she doesn't get her own way. You know, like it feels when you're not winning that stupid nintendo game against your younger brother. He always made me feel uncoordinated... no matter that I am, but that's another blog I think. We were at the science centre on the weekend. Wicked awesome place, by the way. And I found myself not caring where my kids were, and getting upset when they were wrecking my tunnel system at one of the exhibits. And i...

While having dinner with a friend and friends of that friend one of those dreaded subjects came up... Taxes? Nah... Politics? Nope... Religion? Yikes... that's the one. My friend and her friends are of the Mormon church. They were talking about what they're involved with, their "calling's", how many children, etc etc. Being very curious, I started asking questions. How many children do you have? What is a "calling"? And questions of that sort. I'm naturally curious... and no, I don't care how many cats it killed. Of course, if you ask questions, you should be prepared to answer some yourself. It's sort a double-edged sword I guess. Maybe that's what killed the cat.... hmm... something to ponder... but that's a different blog I think. They asked me how many children I have. Two. Oh, and are you finished having children? Yes. Oh. What the heck does that mean?!? Ok, never mind, be nice. What do you do for a living? Oh, I ...