Grief has no expiration date... neither does love
Yesterday my dear hubby had to go to the Festival des Sucres (or Maple Festival) to help do some activities with the Francophone scouts. Which meant that the boys and I were left to our own devices.
Excellent.
I spent the morning cleaning my room.
Oh yes. I'm a big partay animal!
The boys spent the morning playing quite nicely together.
This is where you're thinking... "cleaning? your room?? what, that took all of an hour? hehehehe..."
Nope. I never really held onto that lesson of keeping your room clean. My room is almost always a disaster. Things dumped here, stacked there, stuffed under that, draped on that... etc etc.
So I gave it a good purge, dust, wipe, fold and vacuum. It's no awesome. :)
No, you get no before and after pictures, it was THAT bad.
But I'm rambling. I didn't start this entry to tell you how horrible my room is and how it took me like 4 hours to clean... ok, maybe I did... but I have OTHER motives too!
I found this THIS found ME
This is an impression of my best friends paw. It took me two months to pick it up. Yes, two months. And even after all that time, I still bawled like a freak when I saw it the first time.
I brought it home and put it on my dresser... never to be seen again...
This was in February... of LAST year. It was moved around, shifted and tucked away under mounds of "stuff". Then while cleaning I found it. I picked it up. Held it. It made me smile.
Last night I brought it out with the intention to show the boys what I found in my cleaning efforts.
Jerome took it and said what's this?
It's Max's paw print.
Oh yea?
Yes. It's neat isn't it?
Yes. I'm going to show papa. Max was my friend, right maman?
Yes.
We played together all the time, right?
Yes.
I would lay beside him, right?
Yes.
Papa! Look!
Ooooh. Very cool.
*as he walks back into his room
Max. He was my...
He puts the paw against his forehead and starts to cry. He cries, hard. And for a long time.
I pull Jerome onto my lap to try to console him and I apologize for making him cry. He's still holding onto the paw print.
Xavier now climbs onto my other lap as Jerome scoots down and climbs into papa's lap. He is still crying and babbling about how much he misses Max, why did he die, and he loved him so much.
As Jerome slowly puts down the paw print on his bed,
Xavier says, Jerome? Can I tell you something?Yes.Are you ready?*nods*Xavier's chin starts to quiverMax will always be in your heart. Whenever you want to see him, you just have to pray that you dream of him and you will.
Jerome was 3 1/2 when I had to take Max that night and end his pain. The next day when we told them, Xavier was very upset. Jerome seemed indifferent. Not that he didn't care, he just didn't understand.
Now he had a greater understanding of death and it's meaning. But now that means grief comes a little easier. However, it also means that he may start to appreciate things more. His family, his pets, himself...
I can only hope I don't screw it up by scaring the crap out of him in the process of this "life lesson".
Excellent.
I spent the morning cleaning my room.
Oh yes. I'm a big partay animal!
The boys spent the morning playing quite nicely together.
This is where you're thinking... "cleaning? your room?? what, that took all of an hour? hehehehe..."
Nope. I never really held onto that lesson of keeping your room clean. My room is almost always a disaster. Things dumped here, stacked there, stuffed under that, draped on that... etc etc.
So I gave it a good purge, dust, wipe, fold and vacuum. It's no awesome. :)
No, you get no before and after pictures, it was THAT bad.
But I'm rambling. I didn't start this entry to tell you how horrible my room is and how it took me like 4 hours to clean... ok, maybe I did... but I have OTHER motives too!
This is an impression of my best friends paw. It took me two months to pick it up. Yes, two months. And even after all that time, I still bawled like a freak when I saw it the first time.
I brought it home and put it on my dresser... never to be seen again...
This was in February... of LAST year. It was moved around, shifted and tucked away under mounds of "stuff". Then while cleaning I found it. I picked it up. Held it. It made me smile.
Last night I brought it out with the intention to show the boys what I found in my cleaning efforts.
Jerome took it and said what's this?
It's Max's paw print.
Oh yea?
Yes. It's neat isn't it?
Yes. I'm going to show papa. Max was my friend, right maman?
Yes.
We played together all the time, right?
Yes.
I would lay beside him, right?
Yes.
Papa! Look!
Ooooh. Very cool.
*as he walks back into his room
Max. He was my...
He puts the paw against his forehead and starts to cry. He cries, hard. And for a long time.
I pull Jerome onto my lap to try to console him and I apologize for making him cry. He's still holding onto the paw print.
Xavier now climbs onto my other lap as Jerome scoots down and climbs into papa's lap. He is still crying and babbling about how much he misses Max, why did he die, and he loved him so much.
As Jerome slowly puts down the paw print on his bed,
Xavier says, Jerome? Can I tell you something?Yes.Are you ready?*nods*Xavier's chin starts to quiverMax will always be in your heart. Whenever you want to see him, you just have to pray that you dream of him and you will.
Jerome was 3 1/2 when I had to take Max that night and end his pain. The next day when we told them, Xavier was very upset. Jerome seemed indifferent. Not that he didn't care, he just didn't understand.
Now he had a greater understanding of death and it's meaning. But now that means grief comes a little easier. However, it also means that he may start to appreciate things more. His family, his pets, himself...
I can only hope I don't screw it up by scaring the crap out of him in the process of this "life lesson".
I still miss my Max.
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