A glimpse into my personal insanity

I've decided to give up. I'm done. I don't think my fussing, worrying, self-torture, misery, heartache, anguish and self-doubt is helping my children get better. I'm looking at this in totally the wrong way. I've been so worried about what I'M doing wrong I forgot who's suffering. My boys. They don't care if I used a bleach or lysol cleaner, they don't care if the sheets are washed in hot or cold water, they don't even care if they wash their hands before they eat (ick). All they care about is if Maman and Papa are there when they DO get sick. They're going to get sick. I can't prevent it. There's no way around it. They WILL get sick. The fact that all of October they've been sick more than they've been well, I guess that's just bad luck. Not much I can do there either. They've been afflicted with the most random things and as much as I want to blame this, that and the other thing, what's happened has happened.

Sometimes I wonder about what I could have done or could do better. Almost always when it comes to my kids health. I know that lots of children get sick and almost ALL children when they're young get sick a lot. The problem? My kids are sick more than a lot. It seems like it's all the time. It's more than once a month and it's always something that needs antibiotics. Xavier has had tonisillits 6 times this year. SIX. TIMES. That's grounds for getting them removed. I can't understand why my kids are getting so sick . My house is clean. I dust. I vaccum. I wash. I do all of that. No obsessivly, but enough that things are clean and disinfected on a regular basis. And what happens? My kids get sick all the time. Change cleaners. No affect. Clean less. No affect. Clean more, clean without them here, wash walls, multiple cleaners, etc etc etc. What the hell am I doing wrong?!? I don't need to hear that kids get sick all the time. It's normal. They get e

I'm thankful for a lot of things in my life. My kids, my husband, my family... all that. But I don't like Thanksgiving. I understand, for the most part, what the holiday is symbolic of and why we gather. I just don't like it. I haven't had much luck on that holiday in the last few years. That weekend is always a weekend of bad luck or, to quote a movie, 'a series of unfortunate events'. And this year was no exception. My boys were sick before the weekend and just seemed to get worse on that weekend. We weren't able to go visit family and we barely got out of the house at all. There are lots of people that don't have that sort of luck. That can have that weekend go by without even blinking, it's such a breeze, but not I. It's one of those holidays that I look forward to getting through as quickly and painlessly as possible! I would much rather have Halloween as a holiday! I love the costumes, the decorations, the mood, the scary movies... p