A glimpse into my personal insanity

I haven't blogged in a while. There's been nothing really to say. Life got really busy at the beginning of September... I mean... CRAZY BUSY... Scouts started up again, school, taekwondo, gymnastics, fundraising... my goodness... we're in the thick of it... While all of those things could bring a "blog worthy" post, there's something else I want to talk about. I have a child. He's seven years old. He's a boy. Definitely. Loves guns, getting dirty, trucks, cars, airplanes, emojis, pink and purple... wait... what?!? You mean to tell me boys can like things that may be meant for girls?? Holy shit. No way. We went shopping for clothes for school. Do you think we could find ANYTHING in the boys section that had emojis on it? He loves emojis. I have no idea why, but his favorite one is the one with the hearts in the eyes.... We went over to the girls section. EMOJIS GALORE. I mean it! Pants, purses, sweaters, longs sleeve shirts, short sleeve

It's been a little bit since my last post. I didn't think I had anything to write about. I guess I was wrong. I go out to the dog park to walk my dog (duh) and enjoy walking and seeing all the fluffies. Make me quite happy to do so. Yesterday the kids and I went and walked for an hour and a half. We did one loop, walk down to the river, walked back did another loop then went home. I was shocked at how long we had gone for! I wasn't out of breath, my feet/knees/hips didn't hurt, it was amazing! I wish that's where it could end. Just there. It'd be better if it did. But that's not where it ends. Unfortunately some jerk excuse of a human being decided to call out to me... "YOU SHOULDN'T BE WEARING THOSE SHORTS!!!"... Devastation. Embarrassment. Humiliation. If I could have crawled under the big rock in the field, I would have. My boys didn't really hear it, luckily they were too engaged with a little brown fluffy dog that was

Let's face it. I'm honest. Albeit a little TOO honest, but at least I don't lie to you about what's going on. I procrastinate. I obsess. I control. I care. I share... everything. All that and more. I've told many people about my weight loss surgery. Only because some of them would've found out anyway, so why not hear it from the horses mouth... so to speak. This way if they have questions they can ask, and I can see their reaction first hand. There have been a few people that while they seem supportive are not REALLY supportive.... let me explain. My friends .... the ones that care about me and not about comparing our bodies.... will say: how are you? how are you feeling? My friends ... the ones that care about me but are very curious about comparing our bodies... will say: how are you? how much have you lost so far? Seem innocent? Yes. It does. Until you see their reaction. I've lost 66lbs so far. Yes! 66lbs! Holy crap! When I mention how much

I debated this post. This is a difficult thing for me. However, with this journey, this new chapter of the rest of my life... I feel I need to share the good, the bad AND the ugly. Hair loss. It's a very real side effect of weight loss surgery. Mine has hit me and I finally started to notice it. My sister (whom I love so very very much) knew it would hit me hard, so she encouraged me to buy Rogaine for women and head it off. No pun intended. Well. Maybe a little. I started using it and it seems to be working. I've got some fuzz on the top of my head. When I was taking selfies of my face today I noticed something rather odd. My forehead seemed to have grown. I was confused. Then I looked down and took a photo of the top of my head. This is what I saw: I would not do well bald. All I do in the summer is burn! It's not that hard to see. Near the front of my hairline, where my bangs would be, you can see a whole lot of scalp there. And as it turns out, m

Sometimes it takes someone to point out the complete and utter obvious to you before it finally sinks in. You know, a grandmother telling you that you're doing the wrong crochet stitch because just look at the darn picture, a husband saying maybe the yeast is no good because your bread turned out WAY denser than it usually does... Or maybe a friend that hasn't seen you in 5-6 months and she decides to take a picture of you at your heaviest and a picture she snapped of you at supper and post them both to Facebook. When you see exactly how much weight you've lost and how you look to the rest of the world, suddenly it hits you. Wow. I've really lost a bunch of weight. Up until now I've been denying a little bit, ok a lot, that I have really lost any weight. Yes, the scale said I did, yes my clothes said I did and even my family & friends tell me I have... but denial is a very powerful thing. I look in the mirror and still see my old self. That's it. Just me

You know when you get to a certain size and you can walk into a few stores and just pick out the shirts or pants that will work for you because you know your size. You know your body, you know what looks good and what doesn't. This past weekend I walked into my regular plus size garment store and was armed with a few coupons. I was interested in getting a few new items for my almost bare closet. I tried on a dozen or so shirts, 4-5 bras, some dresses and pants. The ONLY things that fit were the bras. Nothing else fit, I was putting on the smallest size that the store carried and it didn't fit right at all. I walked out of there with almost nothing. I have to start shopping in the regular stores now. EEK! I had this sudden realization that I DON'T KNOW MY BODY ANYMORE!!! It was disheartening and absolutely wonderful all at the same time. My highest weight in 2010 was 261 lbs , prior to surgery my weight was 236lbs , now, 2.5 months later I'm down to 183lbs . Ov

I'm under 200lbs. Did you read that? Yes, yes you did. I'm UNDER 200lbs. The last time I weighed this much... I can't even remember the last time I weighed this much. Over a decade, at least. I stepped on my scale a little while ago and it said 199.6lbs. I thought, nah, it's broken, no way, not this soon. Sure enough. Step on the scale a few days later, 198lbs. I can't believe how quickly this weight has come off. It's scary and exciting all at the same time. However. With it comes some mental and emotional anguish. I still see myself as 230+ lbs. I'm wearing most of my same clothes, they fit a bit looser, I've had to stop wearing a few pairs of pants, they're WAY too loose. But I look in the mirror and I still see the same "fat girl" that was there at the beginning of December. However, when I don't have any clothes on, my skin is loose. Very loose. My boys commented how "wrinkly" my skin looks now. Parts of m

I am two weeks post-op. I had surgery on December 30th, 2015 and as of today I was allowed to have soft foods! YAY! I'll be honest, I had half an egg last night. HAHA. Doesn't seem like much... it isn't really... I boiled an egg, cut it in half, took 15min to eat it and I was full. Like holy sh*t, that's it?? For breakfast I was lucky to get down a 1/4 cup of cottage cheese, lunch was another half egg, I was stuffed! I mean, it felt like if I took another bite I would toss my cookies (or egg). Supper? Supper I sort of treated myself. My husband and kids ordered pizza. At this point I did the unthinkable. I took the toppings OFF the pizza and put them in a bowl. Then I threw out the pizza slice that was just dough. I didn't even think of it, just did it. HA! HOLY COW! What's going on?!? I was able to eat about half of the toppings, cheese, mushroom, green pepper, black olives and a tiny bit of Italian sausage. I have to say, it took 20min to eat that ha

I did it! On December 30th, 2015 I was sleeved by a young doctor at the Peter Lougheed Centre, here in Calgary. He's young but is very knowledgeable about what he does. I was very at ease putting my future in his hands. So this is Part 2 of a blog I started where I've been accused, openly, of having surgery as the easy way out. What a horrible thing to say, yet, I don't think the accuser really understood why their comment was so hurtful. For over a decade I've struggled with my weight. Up, down, up, down.. success, fail, success, fail fail.... it's all there. The highest I ever was just after pregnancy was 284lbs. I managed to get down to 261lbs, and I stayed there for a very long time. A photo of myself made me want to change, very much so, I joined weight watchers! I lost 45lbs, it felt amazing. That feeling faded. After 2yrs of paying them weekly I was at my wits end. I lost all my 45lbs in the first 9mos with them, and spent the next year and a bit trying a