A glimpse into my personal insanity

I had a doctors appointment to regarding bariatric surgery. I needed to know if she would give me a referral to have it covered by Alberta Health Care. Let me tell you something about me first. I'm, by nature, a pessimist . I never EVER expect anything good to happen to me. I never get my hopes up. I don't wish for things. I figure if I expect the worst and that doesn't happen, then I'm on the up side right? Well, you probably figure that's how MOST people operate, so big whoop. But I be most people don't expect their wedding to be cancelled. Or that they're going to crash their care each time they drive it. Or that their kids are suddenly going to start hating them for some unknown reason. No. That's just me and my screwed up view of my life. But this time. This was one of those FEW times I allowed myself to be ever so slightly hopeful. There I was... sitting in the doctors office I was trying to prepare myself for the conversation

I've all but given up on losing weight. I stopped running a while ago. My knees hurt too much and my ankles were taking a beating. I stopped going to weight watchers meetings because I was stuck at a plateau for almost a year and a half... who wants to pay $16 a week to NOT lose weight? I stopped going to the gym 5-6 nights a week because I have a second "job" babysitting during the evening. And most depressing... I stopped believing in myself . Years ago when I first realized I was 261 lbs I looked into getting some sort of liposuction, oh yes I did... but that was lazy, hasn't tried alot of options me. It was a brief glimpse with no real result. My next step? Exercise. But with no-one telling me how to go about it, it was a waste of time. Then... LA weightloss... then various forms of supplements.... then Weight Watchers... by far my biggest success... and more exercise - this time with a trainer and online searching... My lowest since then has b