A glimpse into my personal insanity

I'm on day nine of this liquid pre-op diet, and like the title says, everyone is alive and well... or at the very least, they're alive. After nine days I've discovered a few things about myself. Not all of it is flattering. 1) I like food. I don't love it. I don't need it. However, I do enjoy it. I miss the tastes, textures and flavours that food offers. For some strange reason, lettuce is on top of that list. 2) Emotional eating is not limited to anger and sadness. In the nine days I've been on Ensure and clear fluids I still need to parent. I'm a mom and need to make sure my kids stay in line. When I get frustrated with them or am upset at them or if I'm relieved or happy or any other emotion you can think of that involves my children, I eat. I have something, candy or fruit, doesn't matter, I have something. in the last nine days I've had to just deal with my shit in order for things to keep flowing. 3) I'm not as tough as I let

It's day 3 on this liquid pre-op diet. Geez. It feels like my world is falling down around me. I keep dropping stuff, forgetting things, I lack concentration, I'm tired and grumpy. Some little voice in my head keeps telling me that I got this, I can do it, keep going... It's very quiet, almost inaudible but there... What the hell am I doing? Did I really think I could do this? For some reason it seems like that light at the end of the tunnel is not there anymore. Two full days and part of today. That's it, that's all I've done for liquid diet. I've got 18 more days... What the hell was I thinking. People on support sites and such keep saying, oh, positive thinking, that's all it takes, keep your hands and mind busy, it'll go by quickly...  Bullshit. It's easy to claim things don't bother you when you're typing words on a keyboard, when you have to face people and try to make those same claims it's a whole other world. I don

Almost two years ago I got a referral from my doctor to the Calgary Weight Loss Clinic. I went in there thinking that it was just a "prerequisite" to the surgery that I was seeking. What I learned was it is so much more than that. I learned why my body is the way it is, why we are in that constant up and down state with our weight. I learned that not everyone wants or even NEEDS surgery to be successful. I made new friends and found some unlikely ones. The support system is amazing and the staff are very knowledgeable. I learn that some of the most important victories don't involve a scale. In the nearly two years part of the program, I didn't lose any weight. HOWEVER, I didn't gain weight. Which to me is a HUGE thing. I was so happy that I was maintaining, albeit a heavy weight, I was maintaining. My goal was still surgery. But I started to see it in a different light. I saw it once as my solution, my only option, my way out. After classes and many discussion

Ever have one of those days where you wish you could just sit down and give up? Even for just a half hour? So that it's not so fast paced and go go go go?? I got a referral to the weight management clinic here in Calgary back in February of 2014... in May I had my first meeting with one of the nurses. Over that summer I proceeded to complete the 6 mandatory classes in order to become a candidate for bariatric surgery. I had monthly appointments and blood work and all sorts of other things after that. This past summer, 2015, I managed to get my second and final case study by the program. It seems as though I had slipped through the cracks momentarily as others that started after me had surgery dates already. I was disappointed and very discouraged. In October I was scheduled to meet the newest surgeon on the team, he's young and very enthusiastic about it. His knowledge and willing to answer any and all my questions left me feeling confident in my decision to get the gastric

A year ago, yesterday, the world was robbed of one of the funniest and most sincere men around. The heavens gained another star, but our lives were left a bit emptier, a hole where his presence would've been.         Robin Williams took his own life as a result of dementia, Parkinson's and depression. A sad fact is that up to 15% of those clinically depressed will die by their own hands. Depression accompanies other illnesses and conditions often. Up to 50% of Parkinson's patients will experience some level of depression. There is so much information about depression, yet, people are scared and/or unwilling to talk about it. Obviously I didn't know Mr. Williams personally. But he had a huge impact on my little life. He was funny, charming and not always well liked. I loved all his movies (yes, all of them) and I became obsessed with watching all of them... and as I got older, his stand up routines. Many an hour on YouTube I've spent searching him.

Wow. It's been a LOOONG time since I've last blogged. It feels like nothing has happened worth noting, but I guess a lot has happened. I was extremely depressed this past month. It felt like I was at a stand-still or a stalemate and couldn't do anything about it. Made me anxious and angry all at once. Last June I started with the Calgary Weight Loss Clinic. There were six classes I had to take, along with a few extra, and meetings with dietitians, nurses and psychologists I had to take. All so I could get on the bariatric surgery (weight loss surgery) list with AHS. It was such a process, it still is. Amidst all the appointments I had a lull in meetings. There was a good 6 weeks before I had another meeting with the dietitian. During that time it seemed like every EXCEPT me was getting their surgery dates. I am part of three or four AMAZING groups on Facebook that connect me with others on the same journey as I am. A lot are in different stages and some are in the s