Day 9: I Haven't Killed Anyone Yet
I'm on day nine of this liquid pre-op diet, and like the title says, everyone is alive and well... or at the very least, they're alive.
After nine days I've discovered a few things about myself. Not all of it is flattering.
1) I like food. I don't love it. I don't need it. However, I do enjoy it. I miss the tastes, textures and flavours that food offers. For some strange reason, lettuce is on top of that list.
2) Emotional eating is not limited to anger and sadness. In the nine days I've been on Ensure and clear fluids I still need to parent. I'm a mom and need to make sure my kids stay in line. When I get frustrated with them or am upset at them or if I'm relieved or happy or any other emotion you can think of that involves my children, I eat. I have something, candy or fruit, doesn't matter, I have something. in the last nine days I've had to just deal with my shit in order for things to keep flowing.
3) I'm not as tough as I let on. On day four.... or was it five.... I cried. I cried very hard. I was frustrated and tired and just plain done. My husband side hugged me and held me while I bawled sitting on the couch. My youngest came in for hugs without questions. My eldest says, why are you crying? As hard as it is to do this, it is more difficult living with all the extra weight.
4) My husband can be supportive and a dick at the same time. My kids always look at me when they're eating supper and say, oh we wish you didn't have to be on this diet, and I know they say it because they feel guilty for eating in front of me, but it doesn't help. My husband told them, that doesn't help Maman when you remind her how she can't eat, just enjoy your supper and her company and that will be good. However when I told him I'm no longer cooking because I just can't, he just looks at me and says, why? You're doing so good? Hehehehe... uh huh... I'm surprised I haven't killed him yet.
5) My friends listen to me. They really do listen to me when I tell them things. They're awesome and supportive and make me feel great.
6) My "friends" could care less about my progress. They ask because they just want to seem supportive. Uh huh. Go away.
7) I now know the difference between #5 friends and #6 friends.
8) My energy is not what it used to be. It is very much based on the calories I consume and sleep I get each night. Coffee doesn't do ANYTHING if I only get 6 hours of sleep!
9) I can do this. I AM doing this. As much as I almost gave up on day six, I don't want to die young and leave my kids without a mom. This is it, I'm in the home stretch and nothing is going to stop me now.
Lessons are tough and sometimes we don't want to admit they impact us as much as they do, but here they are. The nine things I've learned in nine days of liquid only diet. May not seem like AH HA moments, but they are for me. To think, I still have 12 days left, wonder what I'll learn then.
After nine days I've discovered a few things about myself. Not all of it is flattering.
1) I like food. I don't love it. I don't need it. However, I do enjoy it. I miss the tastes, textures and flavours that food offers. For some strange reason, lettuce is on top of that list.
2) Emotional eating is not limited to anger and sadness. In the nine days I've been on Ensure and clear fluids I still need to parent. I'm a mom and need to make sure my kids stay in line. When I get frustrated with them or am upset at them or if I'm relieved or happy or any other emotion you can think of that involves my children, I eat. I have something, candy or fruit, doesn't matter, I have something. in the last nine days I've had to just deal with my shit in order for things to keep flowing.
3) I'm not as tough as I let on. On day four.... or was it five.... I cried. I cried very hard. I was frustrated and tired and just plain done. My husband side hugged me and held me while I bawled sitting on the couch. My youngest came in for hugs without questions. My eldest says, why are you crying? As hard as it is to do this, it is more difficult living with all the extra weight.
4) My husband can be supportive and a dick at the same time. My kids always look at me when they're eating supper and say, oh we wish you didn't have to be on this diet, and I know they say it because they feel guilty for eating in front of me, but it doesn't help. My husband told them, that doesn't help Maman when you remind her how she can't eat, just enjoy your supper and her company and that will be good. However when I told him I'm no longer cooking because I just can't, he just looks at me and says, why? You're doing so good? Hehehehe... uh huh... I'm surprised I haven't killed him yet.
5) My friends listen to me. They really do listen to me when I tell them things. They're awesome and supportive and make me feel great.
6) My "friends" could care less about my progress. They ask because they just want to seem supportive. Uh huh. Go away.
7) I now know the difference between #5 friends and #6 friends.
8) My energy is not what it used to be. It is very much based on the calories I consume and sleep I get each night. Coffee doesn't do ANYTHING if I only get 6 hours of sleep!
9) I can do this. I AM doing this. As much as I almost gave up on day six, I don't want to die young and leave my kids without a mom. This is it, I'm in the home stretch and nothing is going to stop me now.
Lessons are tough and sometimes we don't want to admit they impact us as much as they do, but here they are. The nine things I've learned in nine days of liquid only diet. May not seem like AH HA moments, but they are for me. To think, I still have 12 days left, wonder what I'll learn then.
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