Day 3: What Am I Doing?!?

It's day 3 on this liquid pre-op diet. Geez. It feels like my world is falling down around me. I keep dropping stuff, forgetting things, I lack concentration, I'm tired and grumpy.

Some little voice in my head keeps telling me that I got this, I can do it, keep going... It's very quiet, almost inaudible but there...

What the hell am I doing? Did I really think I could do this? For some reason it seems like that light at the end of the tunnel is not there anymore. Two full days and part of today. That's it, that's all I've done for liquid diet. I've got 18 more days... What the hell was I thinking.

People on support sites and such keep saying, oh, positive thinking, that's all it takes, keep your hands and mind busy, it'll go by quickly...  Bullshit. It's easy to claim things don't bother you when you're typing words on a keyboard, when you have to face people and try to make those same claims it's a whole other world.

I don't know how people are doing this with a smile and skip in their step. I mean, seriously. I'm tough, or, at least, I thought I was pretty tough. Right now? 2 1/2 days of Ensure makes me doubt myself and all those things that I assumed I was made of.

Positive thoughts. I can do that, but what I want is to write down how horrible this really feels, get it out of my head. Make sure that I can go back and read it and see how far I've come. I'll go back into reality and try to convince myself otherwise, but for now, this is truth. I can't believe I am voluntarily doing this to myself.

Stay tuned for more! HA!

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