>200
I'm under 200lbs.
Did you read that? Yes, yes you did.
I'm UNDER 200lbs.
The last time I weighed this much... I can't even remember the last time I weighed this much.
Over a decade, at least.
I stepped on my scale a little while ago and it said 199.6lbs. I thought, nah, it's broken, no way, not this soon. Sure enough. Step on the scale a few days later, 198lbs. I can't believe how quickly this weight has come off. It's scary and exciting all at the same time.
However. With it comes some mental and emotional anguish.
I still see myself as 230+ lbs. I'm wearing most of my same clothes, they fit a bit looser, I've had to stop wearing a few pairs of pants, they're WAY too loose. But I look in the mirror and I still see the same "fat girl" that was there at the beginning of December.
However, when I don't have any clothes on, my skin is loose. Very loose. My boys commented how "wrinkly" my skin looks now. Parts of me are smaller, parts of my are hanging oddly, parts of me feel very different now.
But I still see the same person I was in the mirror.
I thought I was prepared for this part of the journey, I thought I was well versed in what was going to happen and how do deal with it.
When you lose 40lbs in 2 months it's a bit surreal. It's very difficult to take that all in at once. I had a break down the other night. I had to lean on my hubby for support and understanding. I don't feel attractive, I feel floppy. I don't feel thinner, I feel like my skin is loose. I don't know if I should have had this done in the first place. Regret? No, not quite. More of a silent questioning of was I really ready.
My husband sighs. Looks at me and says, "This is going to sound selfish. I love the fact I can wrap my arms around you more. I love the way you just sort of fit when we hug. I love that you're healthy. I love everything about you."
For a moment, I saw myself the way he did.
Even thought my brain isn't ready to accept what it sees as truth, it seems as though the people around me are. With their support I'm sure I'll come around sooner than later.
Did you read that? Yes, yes you did.
I'm UNDER 200lbs.
The last time I weighed this much... I can't even remember the last time I weighed this much.
Over a decade, at least.
I stepped on my scale a little while ago and it said 199.6lbs. I thought, nah, it's broken, no way, not this soon. Sure enough. Step on the scale a few days later, 198lbs. I can't believe how quickly this weight has come off. It's scary and exciting all at the same time.
However. With it comes some mental and emotional anguish.
I still see myself as 230+ lbs. I'm wearing most of my same clothes, they fit a bit looser, I've had to stop wearing a few pairs of pants, they're WAY too loose. But I look in the mirror and I still see the same "fat girl" that was there at the beginning of December.
However, when I don't have any clothes on, my skin is loose. Very loose. My boys commented how "wrinkly" my skin looks now. Parts of me are smaller, parts of my are hanging oddly, parts of me feel very different now.
But I still see the same person I was in the mirror.
I thought I was prepared for this part of the journey, I thought I was well versed in what was going to happen and how do deal with it.
When you lose 40lbs in 2 months it's a bit surreal. It's very difficult to take that all in at once. I had a break down the other night. I had to lean on my hubby for support and understanding. I don't feel attractive, I feel floppy. I don't feel thinner, I feel like my skin is loose. I don't know if I should have had this done in the first place. Regret? No, not quite. More of a silent questioning of was I really ready.
My husband sighs. Looks at me and says, "This is going to sound selfish. I love the fact I can wrap my arms around you more. I love the way you just sort of fit when we hug. I love that you're healthy. I love everything about you."
For a moment, I saw myself the way he did.
Even thought my brain isn't ready to accept what it sees as truth, it seems as though the people around me are. With their support I'm sure I'll come around sooner than later.
Yes Tanya! I don't think you could have ever prepared yourself for this transformation. Like many other recoveries, of course you knew there would be mental and physical effects, but now very visual effects as well. Thank goodness you have such a wonderful partner in life and you come from such good stock! We're rooting for you too...
ReplyDeleteYes Tanya! I don't think you could have ever prepared yourself for this transformation. Like many other recoveries, of course you knew there would be mental and physical effects, but now very visual effects as well. Thank goodness you have such a wonderful partner in life and you come from such good stock! We're rooting for you too...
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