I don't know me anymore
You know when you get to a certain size and you can walk into a few stores and just pick out the shirts or pants that will work for you because you know your size. You know your body, you know what looks good and what doesn't.
This past weekend I walked into my regular plus size garment store and was armed with a few coupons. I was interested in getting a few new items for my almost bare closet. I tried on a dozen or so shirts, 4-5 bras, some dresses and pants.
The ONLY things that fit were the bras. Nothing else fit, I was putting on the smallest size that the store carried and it didn't fit right at all. I walked out of there with almost nothing. I have to start shopping in the regular stores now. EEK!
I had this sudden realization that I DON'T KNOW MY BODY ANYMORE!!!
It was disheartening and absolutely wonderful all at the same time.
My highest weight in 2010 was 261 lbs, prior to surgery my weight was 236lbs, now, 2.5 months later I'm down to 183lbs. Over 50lbs lost in 2.5 months and I'm still a little lost right now.
It feels like I'm wandering without a map and just hoping that my feet land where they need to be. It's a very confusing and enlightening time.
On this journey I knew that I was in for big changes and new adventures. However, learning my body all over again was something I didn't really think of at the time. Other things I've had to relearn? Come to think of it, there are a few.
Center of gravity/balance: my weight being down as much as it is, I find myself very clumsy! Like more than usual. I trip over things and lose my balance easily. I've not skated at all this winter because I was worried about hurting myself! I did go down on a sled once or twice and that was quite interesting, realizing that I had to shift my weight differently to steer/stop.
Skin puddles: when I lay on the floor or sit on the couch, my excess skin "puddles" around me! It's so weird and odd at the same time. HAHA.. my kids have taken to blowing raspberries on my stomach because they like the way their faces "disappear" into my stomach (extra skin).
Wrinkles everywhere: I do mean EVERYWHERE... my lady area... you know... has WRINKLES!! WHAT THE HELL?? The loose skin knows no bounds and ends up all over the place!! I have wrinkles on my freakin feet!!!
Smaller feet: really I was always a size 7, but I no longer have to buy WIDE shoes. Its so much fun. :)
Hugs: yes, just what you read, hugs. My oldest can wrap his arms around my waist and clasp his hands behind my back. He's so amazed at how much my body is changing, that he can actually HOLD me now.
Hair: I've always lost my hair, I've got thin non-existent hair. It's silly really. The rapid weight loss has caused more hair to come out than normal, I'm not necessarily balding, but it worries me enough that I went and bought Rogaine for women! HA! Because of the weight loss I can wear my hair down comfortably and not feel like I'm going to overheat.
Sweat: speaking of overheating. I don't sweat NEAR as much as I used to. It's quite amazing. In fact, I only sweat when I'm meaning to (working out, running, etc).
Cold: I'm always freakin cold. I've lost my insulation so now I'm cold!!!
I'm learning. I'm just trying to figure myself out again, and it's sort of fun. Wish me luck. I may need it!
This past weekend I walked into my regular plus size garment store and was armed with a few coupons. I was interested in getting a few new items for my almost bare closet. I tried on a dozen or so shirts, 4-5 bras, some dresses and pants.
The ONLY things that fit were the bras. Nothing else fit, I was putting on the smallest size that the store carried and it didn't fit right at all. I walked out of there with almost nothing. I have to start shopping in the regular stores now. EEK!
I had this sudden realization that I DON'T KNOW MY BODY ANYMORE!!!
It was disheartening and absolutely wonderful all at the same time.
My highest weight in 2010 was 261 lbs, prior to surgery my weight was 236lbs, now, 2.5 months later I'm down to 183lbs. Over 50lbs lost in 2.5 months and I'm still a little lost right now.
It feels like I'm wandering without a map and just hoping that my feet land where they need to be. It's a very confusing and enlightening time.
On this journey I knew that I was in for big changes and new adventures. However, learning my body all over again was something I didn't really think of at the time. Other things I've had to relearn? Come to think of it, there are a few.
Center of gravity/balance: my weight being down as much as it is, I find myself very clumsy! Like more than usual. I trip over things and lose my balance easily. I've not skated at all this winter because I was worried about hurting myself! I did go down on a sled once or twice and that was quite interesting, realizing that I had to shift my weight differently to steer/stop.
Skin puddles: when I lay on the floor or sit on the couch, my excess skin "puddles" around me! It's so weird and odd at the same time. HAHA.. my kids have taken to blowing raspberries on my stomach because they like the way their faces "disappear" into my stomach (extra skin).
Wrinkles everywhere: I do mean EVERYWHERE... my lady area... you know... has WRINKLES!! WHAT THE HELL?? The loose skin knows no bounds and ends up all over the place!! I have wrinkles on my freakin feet!!!
Smaller feet: really I was always a size 7, but I no longer have to buy WIDE shoes. Its so much fun. :)
Hugs: yes, just what you read, hugs. My oldest can wrap his arms around my waist and clasp his hands behind my back. He's so amazed at how much my body is changing, that he can actually HOLD me now.
Hair: I've always lost my hair, I've got thin non-existent hair. It's silly really. The rapid weight loss has caused more hair to come out than normal, I'm not necessarily balding, but it worries me enough that I went and bought Rogaine for women! HA! Because of the weight loss I can wear my hair down comfortably and not feel like I'm going to overheat.
Sweat: speaking of overheating. I don't sweat NEAR as much as I used to. It's quite amazing. In fact, I only sweat when I'm meaning to (working out, running, etc).
Cold: I'm always freakin cold. I've lost my insulation so now I'm cold!!!
I'm learning. I'm just trying to figure myself out again, and it's sort of fun. Wish me luck. I may need it!
Thanks for sharing Tanya, you are so wickedly human. I love you awesome sense of humor, adventure and wonder. Keep it up!!
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