It's a band-aid... no really... it is...
I'm a mom. I have two lovely boys. I've had to put one of them in a dayhome, he was there for almost a year. Then daycare and after that preschool.
The one thing I understand more than anything. Separation anxiety.
I'm not really talking about the what the child goes through. But what the parent goes through.
The guilt that you feel for leaving your child. The frustration you feel for not being able to stay home and take care of them yourself. The anger that comes from realizing that your child may call someone else "mommy/daddy" or do something better for another person than you!
But...
And there's always a but...
When your child has some level of separation anxiety as well? You should put your feeling aside and help them deal with theirs. They feel what you feel, they can sense your emotions on a level that we as adults have lost touch with.
This does NOT mean hang out at the front door of the dayhome for a half hour chatting about your weekend. All the while your child is crying at your feel, begging you to go home, and you're just patting them on the head.
This does NOT mean giving four or five "last time" hugs or the same amount of goodbye kisses. It's a stall tactic. You know this. They do it at bedtime too!
This does NOT mean bringing them into the dayhome with candy/cookies or sugary drinks or even new TOYS to bribe them to not cry at your feet while you stand there chatting about your day. Because they're going to cry anyway and you'll just end up buying/giving them more!
Yes. Running a dayhome means having parents of all sorts to 'deal' with. The kids are almost always wonderful. Well-behaved, pleasant children. Parents can be difficult. And you can never TELL a parent to do or not do anything. Suggestions are often ignored, but opinions should be shared anyway! If there's a chance they may listen and it'll make our mornings go smoother?? I'm going to share for sure!
We've gone through some don't rules. How about the DO's??
DO give them a single hug and kiss.
DO tell me of new developments or issues (be short and to the point)
DO let your child know you love them and you'll be back soon.
DO leave quickly and be happy.
Cry in your car. Text me later to ask how things are going. Call to hear their voice!
But please please PLEASE... make it quick! Like a band-aid!
Sometimes it'll seem like the kids are crying harder, and they might be! But I can guarantee that it doesn't last more than a few minutes. Because they want to play! They don't mope all day about the fact that you've "left" them!! They like the daily play dates! I swear!
Don't get me wrong. I felt that guilt and shame. I've had the anxiety of leaving my child with another and realizing I'm missing so much of their life during the day. I cried every night for the first two months I was back at work with my oldest. I went from spending every day all day with him, to just two hours a night. It was horrible. But as far as he knew, I as happy for him, loved him and he enjoyed the other children at the dayhome.
It's not easy. But do it for your children. Don't make their anxiety worse because you can't mask yours.
The one thing I understand more than anything. Separation anxiety.
I'm not really talking about the what the child goes through. But what the parent goes through.
The guilt that you feel for leaving your child. The frustration you feel for not being able to stay home and take care of them yourself. The anger that comes from realizing that your child may call someone else "mommy/daddy" or do something better for another person than you!
But...
And there's always a but...
When your child has some level of separation anxiety as well? You should put your feeling aside and help them deal with theirs. They feel what you feel, they can sense your emotions on a level that we as adults have lost touch with.
This does NOT mean hang out at the front door of the dayhome for a half hour chatting about your weekend. All the while your child is crying at your feel, begging you to go home, and you're just patting them on the head.
This does NOT mean giving four or five "last time" hugs or the same amount of goodbye kisses. It's a stall tactic. You know this. They do it at bedtime too!
This does NOT mean bringing them into the dayhome with candy/cookies or sugary drinks or even new TOYS to bribe them to not cry at your feet while you stand there chatting about your day. Because they're going to cry anyway and you'll just end up buying/giving them more!
Yes. Running a dayhome means having parents of all sorts to 'deal' with. The kids are almost always wonderful. Well-behaved, pleasant children. Parents can be difficult. And you can never TELL a parent to do or not do anything. Suggestions are often ignored, but opinions should be shared anyway! If there's a chance they may listen and it'll make our mornings go smoother?? I'm going to share for sure!
We've gone through some don't rules. How about the DO's??
DO give them a single hug and kiss.
DO tell me of new developments or issues (be short and to the point)
DO let your child know you love them and you'll be back soon.
DO leave quickly and be happy.
Cry in your car. Text me later to ask how things are going. Call to hear their voice!
But please please PLEASE... make it quick! Like a band-aid!
Sometimes it'll seem like the kids are crying harder, and they might be! But I can guarantee that it doesn't last more than a few minutes. Because they want to play! They don't mope all day about the fact that you've "left" them!! They like the daily play dates! I swear!
Don't get me wrong. I felt that guilt and shame. I've had the anxiety of leaving my child with another and realizing I'm missing so much of their life during the day. I cried every night for the first two months I was back at work with my oldest. I went from spending every day all day with him, to just two hours a night. It was horrible. But as far as he knew, I as happy for him, loved him and he enjoyed the other children at the dayhome.
It's not easy. But do it for your children. Don't make their anxiety worse because you can't mask yours.
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