Orange Rhino? Really?
So normally I read these blogs and then dismiss them as some weird new age way to raise your kids without having to WORK at it.
But then I read it... I mean I READ it.
I yell at my kids too much. I know I do. I yell for no reason. I yell for a reason. I yell for a good reason and sometimes a selfish reason.
I have good boys. They are usually very well behaved. For the most part anyway. For their age (7 and almost 4) they're very respectful, polite, compassionate, have a certain amount of empathy, and are very sociable. What more could I ask for right? I ask for more all the time. Sometimes an unreasonable expectation that I know they cannot achieve, but I expect them to do it anyway.
I read a line in this blog that rang very true with me.
I realized that I don’t yell in the presence of others because I want them to believe I am a loving and patient mom.
Oh geez. That's me. Actually that's a lot of mom's, but this is my epiphany, not theirs!
I have people believing that I am the most patient, loving, superwoman around. I run a dayhome, I have two active boys, I like to volunteer and help others, I enjoy jogging from time to time, I babysit in the evenings to supplement my income during the summer...
Oh yea... I've got them totally fooled.
While the things I DO are true, it's the things I DON'T do that are a little horrible. I have more patience with other people's children than my own because they listen "better". And while I truly love and adore my children I always want to be in control of their actions.
After reading the blog and understanding that I'm not that different from the woman on the screen, I started to analyze my own behaviour with my children. Was I really so different? I erupt when my boys start bickering. I erupt when there's no sharing. I erupt when they don't listen, which isn't true, they listen, they just don't DO what I want them to WHEN I want them to do it! BIG difference.
So, I think I'm going to take the Orange Rhino challenge. It's a goofy name with an awesome concept. "Yelling less, loving more"
I was yelled at. No different from any other child. Everyone my age was yelled at (some more, some less), but in the end I have to think about it. Did I love my parents less? No. I loved them as much as any daughter could. But I have to admit that the respect part of our relationship came more out of fear of the consequences. What would happen if I didn't listen? What would I lose? How long would I be grounded? Etc. etc.
In the end, I think I want to try a slightly different approach. My boys don't respond to yelling, and if I remember correctly my brother didn't really respond to it either. I can remember a time my mom was angry with us and she was yelling at us. The difference THAT day? My brother didn't flinch, blink or hold his breath. It was like he was immune to it. I think my mom realized that and I don't think we were yelled at a lot from then on, it didn't have the same effect on us as we got older. I think we started to tune it out. Let's be honest she yelled a lot and I find myself doing the same thing.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree as they say.
I have bad days. I mean BAD days. Where it seems like I can't open my mouth without a huge eruption of constant words and questions at a VERY high volume coming out in one long stream to my children. Do they understand why I am angry? Probably not. Sometimes I don't even understand why I'm angry. It's kinda stupid.
So here we go. For the remainder of this week I'll be recording when I yell, who, what time of day and what triggered it. And then after that the challenge for me begins. I have yet to decide if I'm going to try the FULL 365 day challenge or just start with a month.
I can only go up from here! Wish me luck and follow along.
And yes. I WILL blog about this weekly most likely, unlike the garcinia cambogia experiment. :S
*as a side note. I am NOT blaming my mother for my yelling tendencies. I have good parents. Gave me what I needed and wanted. Supported me and are very proud of me. They raised me in a different time and with a different understanding of parenting to THEM. This is parenting to ME. Right now, it's their job not to be ashamed of raising me with spanking's, groundings and yelling, it's their job to enjoy their grandsons and relish in the fact that I am a good parent striving to be better.*
But then I read it... I mean I READ it.
I yell at my kids too much. I know I do. I yell for no reason. I yell for a reason. I yell for a good reason and sometimes a selfish reason.
I have good boys. They are usually very well behaved. For the most part anyway. For their age (7 and almost 4) they're very respectful, polite, compassionate, have a certain amount of empathy, and are very sociable. What more could I ask for right? I ask for more all the time. Sometimes an unreasonable expectation that I know they cannot achieve, but I expect them to do it anyway.
I read a line in this blog that rang very true with me.
I realized that I don’t yell in the presence of others because I want them to believe I am a loving and patient mom.
Oh geez. That's me. Actually that's a lot of mom's, but this is my epiphany, not theirs!
I have people believing that I am the most patient, loving, superwoman around. I run a dayhome, I have two active boys, I like to volunteer and help others, I enjoy jogging from time to time, I babysit in the evenings to supplement my income during the summer...
Oh yea... I've got them totally fooled.
While the things I DO are true, it's the things I DON'T do that are a little horrible. I have more patience with other people's children than my own because they listen "better". And while I truly love and adore my children I always want to be in control of their actions.
After reading the blog and understanding that I'm not that different from the woman on the screen, I started to analyze my own behaviour with my children. Was I really so different? I erupt when my boys start bickering. I erupt when there's no sharing. I erupt when they don't listen, which isn't true, they listen, they just don't DO what I want them to WHEN I want them to do it! BIG difference.
So, I think I'm going to take the Orange Rhino challenge. It's a goofy name with an awesome concept. "Yelling less, loving more"
I was yelled at. No different from any other child. Everyone my age was yelled at (some more, some less), but in the end I have to think about it. Did I love my parents less? No. I loved them as much as any daughter could. But I have to admit that the respect part of our relationship came more out of fear of the consequences. What would happen if I didn't listen? What would I lose? How long would I be grounded? Etc. etc.
In the end, I think I want to try a slightly different approach. My boys don't respond to yelling, and if I remember correctly my brother didn't really respond to it either. I can remember a time my mom was angry with us and she was yelling at us. The difference THAT day? My brother didn't flinch, blink or hold his breath. It was like he was immune to it. I think my mom realized that and I don't think we were yelled at a lot from then on, it didn't have the same effect on us as we got older. I think we started to tune it out. Let's be honest she yelled a lot and I find myself doing the same thing.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree as they say.
I have bad days. I mean BAD days. Where it seems like I can't open my mouth without a huge eruption of constant words and questions at a VERY high volume coming out in one long stream to my children. Do they understand why I am angry? Probably not. Sometimes I don't even understand why I'm angry. It's kinda stupid.
So here we go. For the remainder of this week I'll be recording when I yell, who, what time of day and what triggered it. And then after that the challenge for me begins. I have yet to decide if I'm going to try the FULL 365 day challenge or just start with a month.
I can only go up from here! Wish me luck and follow along.
And yes. I WILL blog about this weekly most likely, unlike the garcinia cambogia experiment. :S
*as a side note. I am NOT blaming my mother for my yelling tendencies. I have good parents. Gave me what I needed and wanted. Supported me and are very proud of me. They raised me in a different time and with a different understanding of parenting to THEM. This is parenting to ME. Right now, it's their job not to be ashamed of raising me with spanking's, groundings and yelling, it's their job to enjoy their grandsons and relish in the fact that I am a good parent striving to be better.*
Comments
Post a Comment