My first 5k run

So this past Sunday was the unofficial 1st year since I started my weight loss journey. And for whatever crazy reason, I decided to mark the occasion with a 5k run. Oh geez, what was I thinking, right?

Well. My training was going well, up until I contracted Strep Throat of all things. It was horrible. For 2 weeks I couldn't do any running, exercising, nothing... it was definitely a set back. Nonethelesss, I showed up for the 5k and vowed to at least finish it without passing out or something like that.

So I did my own little warm up, which I discovered wasn't nearly enough, of squats, lunges and some kicks. I thought it was good enough and then just sort of chatted with Sylvain and played with the boys. Then there was the call to line up, and they say to line up according to how you run and what time you think you'll place. I put myself at the very back. Oh yea, that says confidence, right? NOT!

Line up, 3-2-1, GO!

I started running, turned on my MP3 player and plugged myself in. I don't really remember what I was thinking. I'm pretty sure it was along the lines of don't stop, you need to run to at least that bridge. I got under the bridge and then stopped running. I was so out of breath. I don't know how LONG I ran for, but I know it wasn't the 4min I had planned. But stupid me forgot my stop watch to time myself. So I ended up having to do distances. Run until there, walk until there, repeat. Not as scientific, but just as effective really.

So I started running again after a short while. And quickly realized that I was falling behind. So I tried to lengthen my stride... THAT was a mistake. I suddenly had shin splints and to stop running again and start walking. Dammit, that was pretty much my 'mantra' for the next 4 or 5 min. I was still falling behind. Speed walkers were passing me when I was running, a few pregnant people, that old lady with the two walking sticks and a crooked spine.

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!?!?!

I managed to get back on track a little and was running more than walking. The whole time thinking that this sucks, why did I try to do this, all this is going to show my kids is their mom can't do anything!

I made it to a turn and there were people with big signs and they were cheering. At everybody. Not just one person, but everybody. 3 guys and a woman. Just shouting encouraging words and funny comments. For some reason I started to relax a little. I think it was because I was smiling.

I made it to the 2k water station, 4 people handing out half cups of water, I drank a little and poured the rest on my head. I was hot and developing a headache.

There wsa woman in a neon vest in the middle of the path, shouting 5k run around her and head back, 10k keep going. So I ran around her and headed back. Past the water station and past the trees.

Know what I realized? For the first half of this run I was concentrating so hard on what everyone else was doing and why I wasn't able to do that too, that I didn't even notice the river beside me. How beautiful it looked and wonderful it sounded. The sound of people chatting, laughing and cheering.

I was so worried about everyone else, I almost forgot that this was for ME. Not to compare what I can and cannot do with all the other people, but what I can do.

So from then on, I ignored how fast I was or wasn't going, how fast everybody else was going, how long they could run and I could or couldn't. I just thought of me. What I was doing. What I was accomplishing.

This was my first 5k, for crying out loud! It was a big step! It was the moment in my life that determined what I do next! I WILL finish, I will NOT give up.

As soon as these thoughts went through my head, it was a different run. SO different from what it started as. I found myself running farther, walking less, breathing better, just DOING.

And you know when people tell you that you're only crazy if you talk to yourself and then answer? Oh yea, that's me. I was telling myself to run to that sign.... oh look, we're at the sign... can you keep going? uh, sure... how about to that bleacher? sure! I can do that.

This was all out loud mind you. And somewhere around the one kilometre mark, my craziness had peaked. I decided to just run, run no matter what. I could do it, it's not like I'm running fast, I'm just running at my pace. It's a good pace for me, not fast or slow, it's just right for what I need. I ran until that sign, then the next sign, oh wait, run until that bin, okay just til the end of the trees, wait the end of that shadow. Ok, now I'm going to stop. Somebody taking my picture said, you're almost there! just under the bridge and around the corner.

Ok, not stopping, going to keep going. Under the bridge, around the corner, there's the curve leading to the finish. Oh god, I need to stop, I can't do this, slow down... walk for two steps... I felt a kick in the butt... nobody there... it's me, I'm kicking my own ass to keep going. So I sped up, kept running, got to the curve... where's Sylvain? I can't find him... oh geez... I hope they're there...

Wait, there they are! Near the chute... ok, run... don't jog... sprint.... go... go go go go....

So I did. For the last 10sec I sprinted... I couldn't feel my legs, but they were moving, they were carrying me... I look up... the time says 48:07 as I pass under it. I get in the chute, start crying, get to the end a woman says don't stop! keep crying, but don't stop moving! She takes my tag and lets me pass... Xavier runs up to me and hugs me, tells me I did great and why am I crying?

I told him I'm just happy to be done. I'm happy to see him.

I hobble over to the grass and keep walking around.... the whole time crying... I finally stop, sit down and start to stretch.... Xavier walks over to me, cups my face in his hands and says, "Maman. I am very proud of you. You are the best Maman in the world."

That's why I did it. That's why I'm going to do it again.

I understand why people do it, it doesn't matter why they started doing it, but I understand why they keep at it.

Watch me go... I'm going to keep at this crazy!