Envy

Have you ever been envious of someone? Coveted what they have? Wish you could be them (or part of them)?

 I have to admit. I'm guilty of this.

 There's nothing I want more than my life. I love my kids, my husband, heck... I even love my dayhome - well - most of the time. ;)

 However - sounds better than 'but', right? - if I could have my life and just change my profession? I'd love that.

 It's easy. Just do it. RIGHT?

 Not so easy. Mortgage, kids, bills, etc... sometimes you can't do what you want and you have to settle for something that doesn't depress the hell out of you when you think about it.

 This profession? Not glamorous, no. Doesn't pay exceptionally well, no. Hell, it's very specified and not widely needed or known, and I can't really do it where I live.

 But I'd do it in a heartbeat if I could.
I would love to have my sister's job.
Yes. I'm envious of my sister and what she does.

 Ever since I was little I've wanted horses. To be near them. To care for them. To love them.

 She does that. She breeds, raises, trains, shows and sells miniature horses.

 Sarah has followed her heart to do what she wants. She tried to do something else, but she just couldn't. There's an inexplicable pull when you find what you're good at. What you're passionate about. People don't always understand why, it doesn't always pay the bills and when you think about it, it's a pretty specific job.

 I've always envied her a bit. When I left home my family moved from in town to an acreage. Sarah joined 4H, she enjoyed it, they had one full size horse, a pony cross, donkey etc etc. I would have loved to be there, but I was fine where I was. Then, just in the last year or so, she has truly developed her own style and followed what she wants to do, rather than what people said she should do.

 I'm not really doing what I want to do... I'm more or less doing something I enjoy that will pay the bills. If I could choose, with what I've got, I'd love to be a artist. Doing custom pieces for people, selling my art and trying to make a name for myself. It would be a struggle, it wouldn't pay well, if at all, and people would scold me for it. I wouldn't care, except that I need to pay my bills more than follow my dream.

 I've never told her that. I've never really told anyone that. I am lucky that her and I have such a good relationship. She (I think) enjoys spending time with me and I her. Movies, hanging out, she loves to see her nephews.... 

 One day I hope to be able to own horses... it won't happen anytime soon... but one day. On that day I hope she will come show me how to take care of them, train them... and help me not screw it all up and get hurt in the process. 

 For now... I'll do my paintings and art for myself... I'll dream a little here and there... and if she ever needs me to help... I'll jump all over that.

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