The bird I loved
On Thursday July 21st I wake up from a less than restful sleep... it's just one of those nights. A couple of nightmares (my own... read this blog for more details), kids waking up or just calling out... and of course... once in a while nature calls in the middle of the friggin' night!
I walk downstairs, yawn, unlock the front door and go into the kitchen... very quickly my day begins. Both my boys are up around 7am... same time that the first two kids arrive for the day... making breakfast for those four doesn't take much, but getting them all to calm down and get to the kitchen to eat... that's another story! So by now it's about 7:20 and the other two kids are here for the day... one I take from his mom and the girl wants to go see the kids at the table. 7:30 rolls around and the dayhome is in full swing! That's just the start.
In the kitchen I am trying to get some juice for the baby boy... but as I walk out of the kitchen I look over at Amadeus...
Oh no.
She's on the bottom of her cage, laying on her stomach, wings sort of at her side and her head down in the shavings.
Oh no. She's gone.
I open up the cage and stroke her back. She lifts her head and looks at me... then she just lays back down.
Oh my god. What do I do.
I grab a tea towel and scoop her up. I rub her head and stroke her back. She sort of just fluffs up her feathers and settles into my hands.
Oh my god. What do I do.
My heart is breaking. My bird is dying in my hands. I put my finger under her wing to feel her heart beat. She's not opening her eyes anymore, she's just... there.
I can't see anymore, my eyes are so filled with tears... I'm losing her.
Sylvain comes downstairs and just looks at me. He isn't sure of what's going on. Between sobs I tell him she's dying. I don't know what to do. What do I do? Tell me what to do. He's at a complete loss for words. He just looks at me. He says he doesn't know.
There's brief talk of taking her to the vet to get them to put her down. There's so many kids running around, they're all asking me what's happening. Why are you crying Tanya? Is that your bird Tanya? What's wrong with Amadeus, Maman?
Oh my god. What do I do.
I stroke her head. I hold her. She opens her eyes a little. She's having two.. no, three quick convulsions... she's tucking her wings in... she's fluffing up the feathers on her head and around her beak... her heart stops...
She's gone.
No. No. She's not. Come back. Don't do this.
Please. I'm sorry. Please.
I can't breathe.
Sylvain, what do I do.
He looks at me. He gives me a weak smile. He rubs my shoulder. I put her down and he just holds me... I can't stop crying... I can't breathe... I can't stop crying... I can't think... I just... can't...
Looking at her... just laying there... she looks so small... I pick her up and hold her some more... I can't let her go... she can't be gone... she just can't...
Sylvain takes her... asks if I'm sure... am I sure she's gone.... there's no heart beat... she's not moving... she's starting to go stiff... yes... oh god... she's gone...
He takes her downstairs, for now, later we're going to cremate her.
---- Don't ask. I'm not going into detail. We have her ashes, we're going to spread them. Enough said. ----
The rest of the day is a blur. It goes by and I'm all hazy. The kids are fine. They're fed, happy, and a little confused. Having to explain death to 4 kids... not something I was ready for... not something I signed up for... but I think I managed okay...
After 10 years, my cockatiel... I bought her as a male, then after four years of having her she laid eggs... oops... female...
She's gone, I miss her terribly.
I walk downstairs, yawn, unlock the front door and go into the kitchen... very quickly my day begins. Both my boys are up around 7am... same time that the first two kids arrive for the day... making breakfast for those four doesn't take much, but getting them all to calm down and get to the kitchen to eat... that's another story! So by now it's about 7:20 and the other two kids are here for the day... one I take from his mom and the girl wants to go see the kids at the table. 7:30 rolls around and the dayhome is in full swing! That's just the start.
In the kitchen I am trying to get some juice for the baby boy... but as I walk out of the kitchen I look over at Amadeus...
Oh no.
She's on the bottom of her cage, laying on her stomach, wings sort of at her side and her head down in the shavings.
Oh no. She's gone.
I open up the cage and stroke her back. She lifts her head and looks at me... then she just lays back down.
Oh my god. What do I do.
I grab a tea towel and scoop her up. I rub her head and stroke her back. She sort of just fluffs up her feathers and settles into my hands.
Oh my god. What do I do.
My heart is breaking. My bird is dying in my hands. I put my finger under her wing to feel her heart beat. She's not opening her eyes anymore, she's just... there.
I can't see anymore, my eyes are so filled with tears... I'm losing her.
Sylvain comes downstairs and just looks at me. He isn't sure of what's going on. Between sobs I tell him she's dying. I don't know what to do. What do I do? Tell me what to do. He's at a complete loss for words. He just looks at me. He says he doesn't know.
There's brief talk of taking her to the vet to get them to put her down. There's so many kids running around, they're all asking me what's happening. Why are you crying Tanya? Is that your bird Tanya? What's wrong with Amadeus, Maman?
Oh my god. What do I do.
I stroke her head. I hold her. She opens her eyes a little. She's having two.. no, three quick convulsions... she's tucking her wings in... she's fluffing up the feathers on her head and around her beak... her heart stops...
She's gone.
No. No. She's not. Come back. Don't do this.
Please. I'm sorry. Please.
I can't breathe.
Sylvain, what do I do.
He looks at me. He gives me a weak smile. He rubs my shoulder. I put her down and he just holds me... I can't stop crying... I can't breathe... I can't stop crying... I can't think... I just... can't...
Looking at her... just laying there... she looks so small... I pick her up and hold her some more... I can't let her go... she can't be gone... she just can't...
Sylvain takes her... asks if I'm sure... am I sure she's gone.... there's no heart beat... she's not moving... she's starting to go stiff... yes... oh god... she's gone...
He takes her downstairs, for now, later we're going to cremate her.
---- Don't ask. I'm not going into detail. We have her ashes, we're going to spread them. Enough said. ----
The rest of the day is a blur. It goes by and I'm all hazy. The kids are fine. They're fed, happy, and a little confused. Having to explain death to 4 kids... not something I was ready for... not something I signed up for... but I think I managed okay...
After 10 years, my cockatiel... I bought her as a male, then after four years of having her she laid eggs... oops... female...
She's gone, I miss her terribly.
10 years is a long time. You must be hurting big time, Tanya. I am so sorry and there is nothing I can do. Hugs to you and your boys.
ReplyDelete