Imaginations aren't all they're cracked up to be.
I have nightmares.
No, not your normal ones either. These are wake up crying and scared beyond words sort of nightmares.
I've had them every night for almost 15 years.
I am my own worst enemy.
This is the part where you start to wonder... why is she telling us this? Why in the WORLD would she blog about this? Is she truly going to tell us that she has bad dreams and expect us to take her seriously?
I'll tell you why. I'm tired. I'm so very tired of not sleeping. And I hope by blogging about this it'll help me in some sort of weird self-help way.
Steven King, Dean Koontz, M. Night Shyamalan... none of 'em have anything on what goes on in my head.
I love horror movies. I don't know why. But I do. I like to be scared, I like to have that suspensful feeling... etc etc... so you'd think that's my problem right? Nope. My nightmares have nothing to do with any of the friggin' movies I watch. And that's the honest truth. There's no way I would EVER watch movies with what I dream, not now, not ever.
There are nights when I wake up so scared that I'm not sure what to do. I wake up, I start to cry and I lay there until I sort of fall asleep again. Sometimes Sylvain wakes up and tries to console me, but he's tired and can't really do/say anything that's intelligible to me... so I don't bother waking him up anymore. Most of the time I wake up, calm down, go the washroom and do the following: turn on the light, look at my reflection, wash my face, brush my teeth, brush my hair, wash my face again, wash my hands, put lotion on and then close my eyes... if I can still see the images in my head... I do it all over again.
When I first started having nightmares there were very few nights I only had one. Now there are very few nights I have more than one. Those nights make for particularly rough mornings, but there's not much I can do about it. I try to go to bed early, but it's worse when I do that. I have a hard time sleeping without Sylvain next to me now, so to try to fall asleep without him... I hear every bump, squeak, shift, sigh, gurgle, etc of this house.
I've decided that my active imagination is an over-active imagination... and it doesn't shut off. It won't slow down, it won't let me relax... not even a bit. It's hard to live with, and even harder to talk about. But I'm trying. It's one of those things that not many people know about, but I find that the more I write about things the better I get at almost everything. I blog about self-doubt, and it make me see how there's nothing to doubt. I blog about sweet kids, it makes me love them more... I'm hoping this will help me see that I have nothing to fear but my own mind.
No, not your normal ones either. These are wake up crying and scared beyond words sort of nightmares.
I've had them every night for almost 15 years.
I am my own worst enemy.
This is the part where you start to wonder... why is she telling us this? Why in the WORLD would she blog about this? Is she truly going to tell us that she has bad dreams and expect us to take her seriously?
I'll tell you why. I'm tired. I'm so very tired of not sleeping. And I hope by blogging about this it'll help me in some sort of weird self-help way.
Steven King, Dean Koontz, M. Night Shyamalan... none of 'em have anything on what goes on in my head.
I love horror movies. I don't know why. But I do. I like to be scared, I like to have that suspensful feeling... etc etc... so you'd think that's my problem right? Nope. My nightmares have nothing to do with any of the friggin' movies I watch. And that's the honest truth. There's no way I would EVER watch movies with what I dream, not now, not ever.
There are nights when I wake up so scared that I'm not sure what to do. I wake up, I start to cry and I lay there until I sort of fall asleep again. Sometimes Sylvain wakes up and tries to console me, but he's tired and can't really do/say anything that's intelligible to me... so I don't bother waking him up anymore. Most of the time I wake up, calm down, go the washroom and do the following: turn on the light, look at my reflection, wash my face, brush my teeth, brush my hair, wash my face again, wash my hands, put lotion on and then close my eyes... if I can still see the images in my head... I do it all over again.
When I first started having nightmares there were very few nights I only had one. Now there are very few nights I have more than one. Those nights make for particularly rough mornings, but there's not much I can do about it. I try to go to bed early, but it's worse when I do that. I have a hard time sleeping without Sylvain next to me now, so to try to fall asleep without him... I hear every bump, squeak, shift, sigh, gurgle, etc of this house.
I've decided that my active imagination is an over-active imagination... and it doesn't shut off. It won't slow down, it won't let me relax... not even a bit. It's hard to live with, and even harder to talk about. But I'm trying. It's one of those things that not many people know about, but I find that the more I write about things the better I get at almost everything. I blog about self-doubt, and it make me see how there's nothing to doubt. I blog about sweet kids, it makes me love them more... I'm hoping this will help me see that I have nothing to fear but my own mind.
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