Emotional high with falling rain
There are words, I'm sure, to express the feeling I had after tonight's workout session. But I didn't have them in me when I finished. I cried. I cried and was hugged by 7 women that were truly proud of me, and they barely know me. The feeling was amazing.
Tonight was what our trainer calls "adventure day"... which mean we're going to jog, and when we think we can't go on, we'll jog some more. We ran a 5km round trip. From Sandy beach, across a bridge over the resevoir, across 14th street, stop and back again.
Out of 5km, I ran about 80% of it... I RAN it... not walked, not speed walked... I jogged. And do you know what? I didn't run out of breath, my knees didn't hurt because of my braces, my legs hurt but I kept going... I passed all the "skinny" people there, not once, not twice, but four times. They were all walking and chatting and socializing, and I jogged right past them. It was awesome.
I got lots of support from everyone, a woman from Ireland told me, "Damn girl, you're on fire tonight!"... but imagine that in an irish accent... awesome. :)
Uphill, down hill, through puddles, in the mud, past some very friendly dogs, I jogged for 80% of that 5km run, and I couldn't believe it.
For the last little bit, I was by myself. No one else was around. Just me. I started to think about my journey, how it started, everything in the middle and where I am now... but more importantly, I started to think about my boys, my husband, my mom and dad, my family... all my friends... everyone that pushed and cheered for me to this point...
It was more than I could handle. When I got to the parking lot, I started crying, I actually started crying about 100m away from the parking lot, but I was still jogging and had to concentrate. When I stopped the other 3 women there were cheering me on and telling me I did so well... when they realized that I was crying they thought I was hurt or going to faint... hehehe...
When I finally said that no no, they were happy tears, they all started to hug me and support me. When the rest of our group got there (including the trainer), they were all confused, but a short explaination and the trainer gave me a big hug. It was an amazing moment.
Can you imagine what this is like? I was 261 pounds last august and not motivated at all. Now, I'm 219lbs and able to jog for 4 or 5 min at a time before needing a break. I have goals beyond this, and even though I'm slightly more than petrified, I'm going to get there. Can you see where the emotion comes from? It took a lot for me to take a good long look inside me, to realize what I'm worth and what I can do... there's no turning back.
My next decision? I need some help with that. The trainer mentioned to me that I should consider doing a 5km run near the end of the summer. I sort of looked at her with big eyes, I didn't know what to say. I said things like, oh I don't know, I'd have to think about it, etc etc. In the end, she said I should really consider it and let her know, she'd run it with me. She's very motivating and likes to push you past your limits, because she knows you can do it, and she's very supportive. So I told her I would take the weekend to think about it and tell her Monday.
Do you know what? I have to think about it because my first gut reaction? Was to say yes. I want to do it. But that scared the bejesus out of me. So I need to know... do you think I can? I should? Tell me! I need to know what sort of thoughts are in the heads of my supporters out there! I am almost certain I'm going to do it and I think Heather is going to be proud of me. Don't worry Heather! Not on August Long! :D
Tonight was what our trainer calls "adventure day"... which mean we're going to jog, and when we think we can't go on, we'll jog some more. We ran a 5km round trip. From Sandy beach, across a bridge over the resevoir, across 14th street, stop and back again.
Out of 5km, I ran about 80% of it... I RAN it... not walked, not speed walked... I jogged. And do you know what? I didn't run out of breath, my knees didn't hurt because of my braces, my legs hurt but I kept going... I passed all the "skinny" people there, not once, not twice, but four times. They were all walking and chatting and socializing, and I jogged right past them. It was awesome.
I got lots of support from everyone, a woman from Ireland told me, "Damn girl, you're on fire tonight!"... but imagine that in an irish accent... awesome. :)
Uphill, down hill, through puddles, in the mud, past some very friendly dogs, I jogged for 80% of that 5km run, and I couldn't believe it.
For the last little bit, I was by myself. No one else was around. Just me. I started to think about my journey, how it started, everything in the middle and where I am now... but more importantly, I started to think about my boys, my husband, my mom and dad, my family... all my friends... everyone that pushed and cheered for me to this point...
It was more than I could handle. When I got to the parking lot, I started crying, I actually started crying about 100m away from the parking lot, but I was still jogging and had to concentrate. When I stopped the other 3 women there were cheering me on and telling me I did so well... when they realized that I was crying they thought I was hurt or going to faint... hehehe...
When I finally said that no no, they were happy tears, they all started to hug me and support me. When the rest of our group got there (including the trainer), they were all confused, but a short explaination and the trainer gave me a big hug. It was an amazing moment.
Can you imagine what this is like? I was 261 pounds last august and not motivated at all. Now, I'm 219lbs and able to jog for 4 or 5 min at a time before needing a break. I have goals beyond this, and even though I'm slightly more than petrified, I'm going to get there. Can you see where the emotion comes from? It took a lot for me to take a good long look inside me, to realize what I'm worth and what I can do... there's no turning back.
My next decision? I need some help with that. The trainer mentioned to me that I should consider doing a 5km run near the end of the summer. I sort of looked at her with big eyes, I didn't know what to say. I said things like, oh I don't know, I'd have to think about it, etc etc. In the end, she said I should really consider it and let her know, she'd run it with me. She's very motivating and likes to push you past your limits, because she knows you can do it, and she's very supportive. So I told her I would take the weekend to think about it and tell her Monday.
Do you know what? I have to think about it because my first gut reaction? Was to say yes. I want to do it. But that scared the bejesus out of me. So I need to know... do you think I can? I should? Tell me! I need to know what sort of thoughts are in the heads of my supporters out there! I am almost certain I'm going to do it and I think Heather is going to be proud of me. Don't worry Heather! Not on August Long! :D
Yay you girl! This is awesome. And you should totally run/walk the 5k with us at Loops for Troops on the 19th :)
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