A glimpse into my personal insanity

Wow. It's been a LOOONG time since I've last blogged. It feels like nothing has happened worth noting, but I guess a lot has happened. I was extremely depressed this past month. It felt like I was at a stand-still or a stalemate and couldn't do anything about it. Made me anxious and angry all at once. Last June I started with the Calgary Weight Loss Clinic. There were six classes I had to take, along with a few extra, and meetings with dietitians, nurses and psychologists I had to take. All so I could get on the bariatric surgery (weight loss surgery) list with AHS. It was such a process, it still is. Amidst all the appointments I had a lull in meetings. There was a good 6 weeks before I had another meeting with the dietitian. During that time it seemed like every EXCEPT me was getting their surgery dates. I am part of three or four AMAZING groups on Facebook that connect me with others on the same journey as I am. A lot are in different stages and some are in the s...

Did you ever have one of those days where nothing goes right? You don't feel "into" it? You just want to go lie down and wait for it to pass? How about more than one day like that? How about an entire MONTH? So I did a blog entry for day 10 of switching to Prozac. You can read that one here . I didn't blog after that, I couldn't. There was nothing I could write that would make everything seem better. Things got really bad, I mean REALLY bad around day 13 . That was the day if the world had ended I would've been ok with that. Not happy, not upset, just ok. It was shit. Nobody should feel like that. Ever. Not ever . Around day 20 things started to seem better, I had a small dose adjustment before that, so things were a bit better. Then after day 26 I started to feel like I was myself again. As difficult as it was to switch from Cipralex to Prozac I'm glad I did. The process reminded me of who I am when I do not have the medication in my system....

Today is day 10 of being on Prozac. Today was NOT a good day. I woke up angry and tired and scared. The day passed by in a blink. I yelled... a lot. I cried... a lot. I laughed... at inappropriate times. What. The. Hell. So, I ended up on Dr. Google. What I failed to find out in my first two days of "research" was that Prozac can take between 2-6 weeks to feel the full effect of the anti-depressant. I naturally thought that being on one anti-depressant meant that when I started a different one, I would feel very little in the change. Holy shit was I wrong. I dug a little deeper and found both are SSRI's ( selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) they are not all that different. It just seem to be the concentrations. Cipralex is a bit more potent, when compared to Prozac (this is from a few sources), but as I stated in my last blog, Prozac has a LONGER half-life. meaning it stays in the system longer than Cipralex. Being more potent doesn't mean it w...

So... as most of you that actually read my blog... I'm on anti-depressants / anti-anxiety  meds and have been for a very long time now. This entry will be disorganized and babble off and on... sort of like most of my important thoughts! So bear with me... Going on 8 years. EIGHT years I've been on the same thing, the same dose and it's been great. I still have mood swings now and then, but they go away... at least until recently. When my oldest son was about 9mos young, I started having awful awful thoughts. At least, now I know they're awful thoughts. To me it was perfectly normal to wonder what would happen if I drove into that concrete barrier going 100km/h. I never wanted to hurt my son or my husband. I just didn't want to... BE anymore. It was hard to admit then, a little less hard to admit now. I share my store with many because I want people to know they're not the only ones. I've had people open up to me about their own depression struggles an...

Have you met my son? Yes? Good. Have you had a meal with him in attendance? Yes? Awesome. Have you noticed he's a "picky" eater? Yes. Superb. Have you realized I will alter/change/add/not add/break down and give him what he'll eat? Yes? Hmmm... Have you noticed this happens time and time again and seems futile and catering? Yes? Ah... Have you wondered why I don't have a more "assertive" approach to his eating habits? Yes? Don't worry, you're not the only one. You didn't answer yes to any of these questions? Read on anyway! I'm sure I'm not alone in this blog subject!! Here's a list of 11 reasons my son will NOT eat that. 1. It has sauce on it. No, we're not talking ketchup, we're talking tomato sauce, creamy sauce, broth type sauce, cheesy sauce, pesto sauce, mild/medium/hot sauce... basically, if it runs/flows/is a liquid when not frozen... then it's considered a sauce. He will not eat it if it has s...

My eldest is Xavier. Most of you know this. He attends school at Notre Dame-de-la-Paix . French catholic school. It was the best choice at the time. Small classes, french education, CATHOLIC education... both of which I cannot teach him. I'm not religious, I know the basics, but it's not enough to instill faith. But ... there's always a but... this year it has been a struggle . Not really for his part. For the part of his teacher and us, it has been a struggle . They use a system called " moodle " it's supposed to be a messaging system, homework system, etc all in one. It sucks. Like it really REALLY sucks. If you don't go on there CONSTANTLY you'll miss things they're supposed to do. The teacher doesn't always update it when they're supposed to, and you can't really ask questions about anything unless you call/email her directly and then wait for a response... which rarely happen within a week. Classes have gotten bigger even though ...

That's right, an old Britney Spears song comes to mind... no... not Toxic... the Ooops I did it again... Nope, not because I've been luring men with my sexy dance in school girl's clothing... Sylvain is gone this week to Las Vegas, convention and Boot Camp for work. Yes, it actually is. He said that these boot camps happen in one of two places, Las Vegas or Europe. Ok, I'll miss out on Vegas, that's fine. So I'm doing the mom&dad thing while he's gone. I've got to run the dayhome, run the house, run the kids, etc etc... so I decided HEY! Why not do fix something that's been bothering me for a while? I can do it. Our shower floor is tile. Itty bitty tile. Which means itty bitty lines of grout. Grout that is cracking, molding and all around disgusting. I'm tired of trying to scrub it with bleach and all sorts of other cleaners that just plain don't work. So I googled "How to re-grout my shower floor". Oh yes... you see...